I got a suggestion that we transition from Cannibals to Cannabis for this post and it made perfect sense to me. Cannabis can really, really, really make life seem great, even if it isn’t! It’s a natural plant product, which I’m told is important to vegans, and you can even make cool hemp clothing, if you’re into that sort of thing? But the best part about it is the munchies it brings on… so I’m told. If you vegans really want to save the planet, (I think we all unanimously agreed in yesterday’s post that real vegans need to munch down a few billion non-vegans quickly for that to happen!), you may need to smoke allot of weed! I’m pretty confident many of you have already started training for the apocalypse!
Anyway, weed is the only way to get your massive munchies on so you can eat up all those carnivores. Also, it will make the whole thing way less somber. I imagine that so much weed will need to be smoked all at once that there will be a weed fog across the entire U.S. with lots of giggling and the word “dude” emanating from the thick haze. This weed fog should also help hide your presence and daze your “snacks” as they inhale it, except for ex-President Clinton of course. The downside here is that the non-vegans may also get the munchies from this haze and they are already carnivores. So if they spot you, you’re in trouble, your thin vegan body might just look like a Slim Jim meat stick to their stoned blood shot eyes? Many of them will far outweigh you due to their heavy meat diet and will not hesitate to kill something for a snack.
It will be dangerous, but I don’t see any other reasonable way to save the planet. Only the vegan cannibals high on cannabis can do it! The future of this planet is in your hands, don’t keep staring at them and tripping, use them to go out there and save the planet!