Being very goal oriented from the moment I was born, I stayed true to my word of maintaining my buttery thighs for maximum cuteness factor. I’d had filled out quite nicely and like Charmin, I had become irresistibly squeezable. This was before today’s  keto diet and all those 9 month old kids with their chiseled abs. No, I was just waiting for my hair to grow out so I could become the perfect Renaissance cherub. I liked the idea of the bow and arrow also to protect me against my older brother!

The problem though with becoming too cute is that you then become an ornament to be proudly displayed or a source of entertainment for others in awe of your perfection.  I don’t know how long my parents would keep me precariously placed on top of an ancient TV several feet above an unforgiving hardwood floor, but I understood that this was the sacrifice that someone with my looks and tasty fingers was obligated to undergo. I also suspected that the old TV was likely emitting radiation and I made sure that my diaper had plenty of organic shielding in order to protect my perfectly round cellulited bum.

The lesson here I guess is that was Life was Great for those folks who had a chance to feast their eyes on me at this stage of my life. God, I was cute and more importantly, not a care in the world… other then that brother of mine!